Have you considered the possibility of a minor mental illness?

I spent about 30 years in a mild state of depression, which affected my ability to be "happier." The depression also led to sabatoging some important life decisions. It's hard to think straight when one has dark thoughts.

I took some counselling. Not an immediate effect that I could see. But about two years later, I got a little depressed. I realized that I used to be like that all the time. That's when I realized the dark cloud I used to be under. Not once in those 30 years would I have considered I had a minor mental illness.

I still get depressed. But I can recognize it. When I do, it usually goes away in half day to a full day.

I realize that everyone's mental problem and solution is different. But it's not a bad idea to get some professional help. These people know how to ask good questions.