Ryan: I think part of the problem is that many of tend to treat our community issues as life-or-death, hence there is a tendency to hold on to our opinions far too long to get our way — because our way is right and the other way is wrong. This happens in Washington DC, between principles and teachers, and church councils. But very few things are actually life-or-death.

Another perspective is that managers often have a much bigger picture than employees. And managers do not have infinite resources to take on every good idea that comes along. And sometimes they have to rely on proven ways to get things done. Managers need to make decisions to move things forward. If they are good managers, they will make more good decisions than bad, but they will always be making a few bad decisions.

I think you would enjoy reading Chapter 4 of my book: Consultation.

When we really understand consultation, every personal relationship is going to change.